:: JUST BECAUSE IT’S CHRISTMAS ::

IT’S WELL INTO the wee hours of a Monday morning (22nd Dec) and here I am finding myself writing on my almost dusty blog (which I seriously thot will shut down cuz of the convenience & my frequent usage of Facebook) amidst listening to my newly downloaded songs; and watching “Sex and the City.”

It’s not because that I’d woke up @ 5pm today or that I was hyper-active. 
It was some thot and questions that kept me wide awake.. Therefore, I had decided to write it down, or at least get it off my chest (while I wait for my “Sex & the City to finish loading)..

Career wise – I’d finally plucked up the courage to discuss with my Boss, Daniel, bout my stint in his company, or rather - life as an Interior Designer. Much as I enjoy working with him, not to mention the free meals that comes with it, I couldn’t find myself having/ leading this kinda life.
Life – as in “I am constantly working”.
There was a point of time where I find myself working into the wee hours of the night and well into the weekends (for a very meagre pay) - I couldn’t join my frens for KTV because I have to work early the next day (the next day being a weekend, mind you) or visit the gym because I have to finish the project. The ONLY time / period, where I really had time to rest, hang out with my frens & gym was when my Boss was overseas.
Then, I found that I’d been losing alot of hair & weight. It was then I snapped.
Should I really carry on being an Interior Designer, where I know I WILL be of status in this company in the near future; or should I move on to another career with a more balanced lifestyle?
I chosed the latter.

Congratulate me at least.

 

Life – On Thursday, I tried asking this guy I’d known @ the club out. Well, he kinda rejected me. It was expected actually.
Kinda depressing cuz the 1st date went really well; & he’s tall (1.85cm), handsome, speaks excellent English, charming, has good manners & most importantly, I got attracted! 
I dunno if I really am a date-virgin or that I’ve been so immersed in my own world cuz it seems to me that he was interested – what with all those “What kinda flowers do you like” “Do you mind if I pick you up after work” or “Will I get to taste your secret-recipe tuna”. Plus we held hands (which was electrifying) AND he msged me the next day!
The whole date was just so dreamy – like in a fairytale!
A guy who wasn’t interested won’t ask and do that rite?!!!!
But after the zouk-out, things just took a 180 degree turn. It feels as if to me that he backed out.
It has been a week since we last contacted, and I dun already have much hope.
To add salt to my wounds, Iver (& her sis) felt that he wasn’t interested me (from their observation @ the zouk-out). How great was that.

AND to add much much more sadness into my much beloved season…. (Santa, you certainly din get my letter)

It was the weekend before Christmas, on a Friday night after work.
Bee had gone for company dinner & Ling was already home. And whenever I find myself in this kinda situation, I’d alwiz call upon my fren (& ex-bf), JX, for a good dinner and chat-up.
It was strange becuz I’d tried to call him the night b4 for some guy problem opinion but it seems that he was overseas from the tone of his phone; and the fact that he’d suddenly gone overseas??? So, back to Friday, I’d decided to call his best fren, JJ, for his wherabouts. JJ told me he was in Korea, and I instantly knew he was there for his gal fren.
Much as I was in shock, I was not to say – heart-broken.. Just… lost and sad.

Don’t get me wrong – I am happy for him. It’s just that the extent to which he went to, to chase her, really got to me. He’d never went to such length for me, at the very least. No guy ever did.

It got me to thinking :”Will there ever be a guy who loves me so much that they’ll go to such an extent for me?” And in the 1st place, will I ever meet such a guy? A guy who really truly loves me for who I am?

I know I know. I am still young, only 23. I should place myelf out there and meet more pple, know more frens and date more. But analysing from where I am standing at, I am fairly sure that I’d still be left on the shelf come age 30. 
& btw, I hate dating. It’s so fake & tedious - so much mind work & guessing games.

So here I am, sitting @ the dining table in Iver’s house, blogging my life away. Now the whole world can laugh @ me!
My Boss actually told me sth that really jolted me:”Sinyee, dun mind me saying, but it’s evident that your career is your bf/ husband la!” It got to me thinking:”Ya. It’s true. My life had alwiz evolved ard my bf. Not myself.”

Isn’t it high time then that I should start living for myself? Or is that just me, to evolve my life ard my guy?

And that Friday nite, amidst tears and sadness, Iverina told me:”Sinyee, you have alwiz made the move. For once, let a guy go to such length for you!!!”

Will I, and do I have such a luck? (I am alwiz the unlucky one) To have a guy crazy bout me? To, for once, have a guy who loves me as much as I do?

I think only time & fate will tell.

At the very least, I am optimistic.

Merry Christmas to you.

Advertisement